#Deep thoughts quotes funny humorous serial

“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” - Tina Fey, Bossypantsįive days of your week are spent under someone else’s roof, so use up some of that time with these fun quotes about being a working stiff.

#Deep thoughts quotes funny humorous serial

Unless you’re a serial killer.” - Ellen DeGeneres

“People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” - Betty White.

'Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.' - Albert Einstein.

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns.

The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” - Sir Norman Wisdom

“As you get older, three things happen.

“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” - Graham Norton.

“The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” - Claire Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias.

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” - Robin Williams.

“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” - Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

The people who need it most never use it.” - Anonymous

“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” - Steven Wright.

I wake up in the morning and say, ‘I don’t know, should I have a popsicle or a donut?’ You know, who knows?” - Oscar Nunez Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend.

Then by all means follow that path.” - Ellen DeGeneres

Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later.' - Mitch Hedberg “I'm sick of following my dreams, man.That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” - Jack Handey “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.“Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” - Dorothy Parker.“You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” - Joan Rivers.Take yourself a little less seriously with these funny quotes about life.

When life give you lemons… you know the rest. Sit back, relax, and bring a bit of comedy into your life with these 111 lines of reflection, humor, and lived experience. This collection of fun and funny quotes will hopefully bring a smile to your face, and can be used for a variety of crafts, like cards, posters, and signs, or for social media captions and graphics. Whether you’re stuck at work, waiting for your train, or just scrolling down your feed, you may need a little extra enjoyment to make your day feel brighter.